My partner no longer finds me attractive. Do I owe them a thinner body?
Do you owe your partner a thinner body if you put on weight?
This question provokes a lot of views and controversy!
If you’ve ever felt that you owe your partner a thinner body, I know it’s not a nice feeling.
In this post, I’m sharing some perspectives to help you decide what’s best for you and your relationship.
Listen or read below:
Do I owe my partner a thinner body?
This is a topic I’ve addressed more than once.
Sadly, my posts about whether you should change your body for your partner or what to do when your partner criticises your body are some of the MOST popular ones.
I get abuse on You Tube for these, with some people (usually men) claiming that if you gain weight, you owe it to your partner to slim down.
This tells me that, unfortunately, there are many women whose partners tell them to lose weight or change their body for them.
So, I want to address this issue again.
The short answer to whether you owe your partner a thinner body is NO!
But I want to share with you why this idea is so WRONG and outdated:
It’s dehumanising
Believing that you owe your partner, (or anyone for that matter) the body you had when you were younger or thinner is dehumanising.
Sadly, so many of us have grew up with this belief because it was passed down through the generations.
But just think about it – to say you owe your partner a thinner body is like saying you don’t have any worth beyond your physical form – that the only thing that matters about you is how big or small you are.
This is fat phobia. How are we tolerating this in the 21st century?
Is this what we are reduced to? A body, and that’s it? Are our relationships just about the body? I hope not!
It’s sexist
The idea that you owe your partner a thinner or younger body is primarily targeted at women.
Those who tell me their partner expects them to lose weight or change something about their appearance are 90% women.
Men are not expected to maintain a thin or young body throughout their lives in the same way that women are.
It’s more generally accepted that men can put on weight and show signs of age without judgment.
This is just another ridiculous beauty ideal rooted in sexism.
It’s your partner’s responsibility
Your partner’s attraction to you is NOT your responsibility. Even if you gain weight and your partner says they aren’t attracted to you, it’s not your responsibility!
It’s painful, for sure, but you don’t owe them a thinner body.
If your partner only values you for how you look, you’ll blame yourself and your body every time they make a rude comment or withhold intimacy from you.
But when you can see yourself as more than a body, you’ll establish whether you’re in a healthy relationship. That’s one based on love and respect.
If you’re in a committed relationship, having a partner who values you for more than a body is vital for your well-being.
And if they don’t, it’s not your responsibility. Your body doesn’t need to change, your partner’s beliefs do!
If that’s not possible, maybe it’s time to re-assess if you’re in the right relationship.
Please don’t let your partner or anyone else make you believe that you owe them a slimmer, younger or ‘better’ body.
Nobody can expect you to maintain the same body throughout your life, and neither do you have to. Bodies change, that’s normal.
The idea that you owe your partner a thinner body is a dehumanising, fat phobic, and sexist belief that doesn’t deserve a place in 21st century thinking!
I’d love to hear from you if you’ve ever felt that you owe your partner a thinner or younger body. How did it make you feel and what did you do? Leave a comment below.
