Dealing with ‘concern for your health’ comments about weight

Have you ever had a friend or family member comment on your weight saying they had a ‘concern for your health‘?

While this kind of comment may seem well intentioned, it’s unlikely to have a positive impact on you.

Sadly, more and more people are telling me family members think it’s okay to comment on their weight.

So in this post, I’m explaining why it is NOT okay for your family to make comments about your weight (even if they are ‘concerned’ for your health), and what you can do about it.

Watch or read below:

I’m concerned for your health…

Have you ever had a relative make a comment about your weight and say, “I’m only saying this because I’m concerned for your health?”

It’s not uncommon for family members to justify weight based comments as concern for your health.

If this is your experience, I’m guessing you don’t find their comments helpful.

In fact, their comments are unlikely to motivate you to make the lifestyle changes they’re implying you should make.

AND, it doesn’t matter what the intention behind the comments, it certainly doesn’t make them any less hurtful!

I’ve done a few different posts about dealing with unsolicited body comments in the past, but I thought this particular type deserved its own post.

What you need to know about concern for you health comments 

Sadly, the number of people who are contacting me to say they’re on the receiving end of this kind of comment is on the rise!

So, if you’re faced with weight comments under the guise of concern for your health, what can you do?

Well, before you address the concern for your health with your relative(s) it’s important that you’re aware of the following:

Firstly, weight based comments are about the person making those comments

Their concern may be genuine, but that concern stems from that person’s own biases, issues and insecurities around their weight or health.

Secondly, you have no obligation to satisfy another person’s view of what is healthy

In coming to the conclusion that your weight is an ‘issue’ that person has assumed weight is the main determinant of health (which it isn’t).

What is ‘healthy’ depends on many different factors and varies from person to person.

Your family member is unlikely to be appropriately qualified to assess your health. In all likelihood, they have set views about what they consider to be healthy and are projecting these onto you.

However, you are under no obligation to be healthy to satisfy others OR to conform to what another person deems to be healthy.

Thirdly, ‘concern for health’ is a form of body shaming

The justification for making weight based comments as ‘concern for health’ is just a way to legitimise body shaming.  Although the person making the comments may not see it this way!

Research shows that body shaming does not help people to make lifestyle changes or to be healthier.

Even if the person making the weight based comments has a positive intention, they’re doing more harm than good!

Dealing with concern for your health comments

Bearing the above points in mind, you get to decide how to address weight based comments with your relative.

To help you out, I’ve got four tips for having an assertive conversation with relatives:

First, if you believe that the comments come with a positive intention…

You might want to start a conversation in a way that that acknowledges and thanks them for their concern.

Then, assertively explain the impact their comments have on you

So you might explain that the comments have a detrimental impact on the way you feel about yourself.

You might add that research shows weight based comments aren’t an effective motivator for making lifestyle changes and do more harm than good (which you know isn’t their intention).

Next, make it clear that your health is your responsibility

You will choose what action you take (if any) to support your health.  Your health isn’t their business.

Finally, ask them what action you’d like them to take

For example, you might ask them to refrain from weight based comments, support you in your health decisions, or not interfere with your choices.

What I really want you to take away from this post is that the ‘concern for your health’ justification doesn’t make comments about your weight any more acceptable!

You don’t have to put up with unsolicited, upsetting and unhelpful comments that derail your body image.

I’d love to know if you’re on the receiving end of comments about your weight under the guise of ‘concern for your health’.  Please leave a comment below.

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